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Celebrity Prime Ministers: Who Will Save Us?

Dylan Robertson (1L)

If you’re like me, you treated the speculation around Oprah running for President with an equal sense of dread and humour. While Oprah has thankfully announced that she is not interested in the Oval Office, she is merely the latest in a long line of American politicians who have publicly mused parlaying their celebrity into public office. Dwayne Johnson, Matt Damon, Kid Rock, and Kanye West are among the highly unqualified who have all expressed interest in either running for President or the Senate following the election of Donald Trump. Clearly, Family Guy made yet another accurate prediction back in the 2002 episode “Brian Wallows and Peter’s Swallows when Brian sang “we’re not too far from voting Feldman-Haim.”

Why doesn’t this happen in Canada? One answer is that all our celebrities move south and become American. Another answer may be that we aren’t quite as politically inept as our neighbours and are less likely to assume that being on television qualifies someone to be a politician (see: O’Leary, Kevin). Nevertheless, it may only be a matter of time before Canadians will be voting for either Robin Sparkles or the Friendly Giant. So to save everyone some time I’ve compiled a list of Canadian celebrities who you should vote for if you ever find their names on your ballot:

Connor McDavid – Law school has taught me to read my audience, and since I’m in Edmonton there’s no better place to start. Anyone whose nickname includes “Jesus” is someone who has the fervent support necessary to convince people to vote for them. The only drawback is that he hasn’t won a Stanley Cup yet. If Ken Dryden can’t even become a party leader with six Cups to his name, McDavid has a bit of a way to go. The Oilers will get there eventually. Maybe. Probably not.

Jim Carrey – Jim would be a good choice for two reasons. One, it’s not like he’s busy. Between his existential red carpet rants and newfound passion for beards, it appears Hollywood has stopped calling him. On the plus side, he clearly does not care anymore, and for some reason a lot of people find that endearing in a politician. With Prime Minister Carrey, at the very least we’d be the most entertaining delegation at the G20. Take that, Merkel.

Justin-Trudeau-Portrait-By-Heblo-2400px Peter Mansbridge – Yes, he’s a celebrity, and yes, you know you would vote for him just to hear his voice on the nightly news again. That’s the only qualification I’m using and really, it’s all someone needs nowadays.

Rick Mercer – the closest thing Canada has to an Oprah, Rick has been a TV staple for decades. Watching Rick’s back alley rants is the tried-and-true method for hipsters to pretend to know what they are talking about when it comes to Canadian politics; think Last Week Tonight without all the soapboxing and condensed into three minutes. Given that the Rick Mercer Report will be ending this year, it may be as good of time as any for Rick to kick off the celebrity fad here in Canada. Besides, the only other talk show host in Canada is George Stroumboulopoulos, and given the way he butchered Hockey Night in Canada, I’m comfortable saying he’s the most unelectable man in the country.

Justin Trudeau – perhaps the celebrity we have in office right now is the only one we need? Whether it’s his selfies, socks,or weekly cry, Trudeau has emerged on the world stage as the most notable Canadian politician since his father, who was famous for having hair that consistently looked like Hulk Hogan’s after a three week-bender. The reception Trudeau receives abroad is already larger than those of many celebrities, so if you really are politically apathetic enough to vote for someone who is vapid, ill-informed and more concerned with popularity than results, you might as well stay home on election day and let us have four more years of J-Tru.