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THE BEST BUSINESS LUNCH IN EDMONTON IS: NISKU TRUCK STOP DINER

Every month, Dane Patton and Dylan Morrison embark on a culinary journey to unearth the finest venue in Edmonton to host a business lunch with a potential client.

THE LOWDOWN:

Price Range: $$$$$

Venue Rating: ★★★★★★★

Cuisine Rating: ★★★★

Your cellular telephone awakes you with your custom 99¢ ringtonez.com “Star Wars Cantina Band” ring tone. Having been asleep at your office desk all morning after an extended night trolling “Buck Wild Wednesdays” at the Ranch Roadhouse, you are immediately filled with forlorn regret at what awaits you on your RAZR 2. You are however pleasantly surprised that it’s your third-most important client. Your client has “some concerns about your quality of service” and a “potential ethics complaint”. Seeing this as a prime opportunity for some business development and convincing her to double-down on your firm, you invite her for a downtown business lunch extravaganza to demonstrate your sales prowess that you mostly got from Khan Academy. Picking her up in your 1996 Pontiac Sunfire GT, you head downtown. Downtown Nisku, obviously.

THE VENUE:

Your client has her doubts after a 40-minute drive down to the city of dreams that is Nisku. No conversation has taken place on this drive, you assume due to the fact that she is so impressed with your blaring “Big Shiny Tunes 4” CD. The mood is set for the business lunch du jour after passing several liquid nitrogen storage tanks and Nisku Ford. Nisku Ford: Your preferred Ford dealer with friendly service*.

Nisku Truck Stop Diner is a haven for high-stakes deals. FUN FACT: The 1973 Paris Peace Accords were signed here. It also features various means to quell your client’s festering frustrations with you, such as: two well-worn massage chairs in the lobby, a soothing medley of the Weather Network and NASCAR on TV, and a Dolly Parton themed VLT. The dangling pendant lights shaking under the flightpath of landing 737s adds a much-needed sense of danger that your client hasn’t experienced since her brat kid Declyn grabbed the wheel of her minivan on the way to see “Cars 2” at the South Edmonton Common Cineplex Odeon.

Do sit in the windowed section of the restaurant, which gives off a decidedly air traffic control tower feel; appropriate for the locale. With a breathtaking panorama of the Husky Big Rig Gas Station and Woody’s RV World, your client will be captivated by the scenery instead of trying to figure out what marine mammal was used to make the mystery material booth she’s sitting in.

THE CUISINE:

Nisku Truck Stop Diner is renowned for its trendsetting menu that has inspired chefs the world over. Featuring such culinary groundbreaking dishes as “Cheeseburger” and “Pizza”, it has been a game changer in the cutthroat-competitive truck stop diner scene.

Dylan set out to demonstrate his virility in order to establish dominance over a potential client in a crude attempt at a business power-move. Thus, Dylan ordered breakfast for lunch to exhibit his gall (he did not know, however, that breakfast is actually served all day). He ordered “Grandma’s Cinnamon Bun”, and five “Add Egg for 85¢”. This left him feeling bloated and sassy, the ideal mindset for a high-level negotiation. After said meal, Dylan had not been this fulfilled since Old Navy had their last back-to-school sale on corduroy cardigans.

Dane kept trying to figure out the wifi password to watch the “Has Kylie and Khloe Gone Too Far?” snapstory instead of bothering to read the menu. That said, he ordered “the item that is the least ordered” just to mess with the chef a little bit. Consequently, he was delivered a bespoke “Calamari Zucchini Bisque”. It was not up to expectations to say the least. Having learned his lesson, he ordered “Plate of French Fries”. They were par excellence, although Dane was disappointed to find out that the potatoes were neither organic nor Fair Trade.

Needless to say we were left satisfied, and your client will be as well!

*NOTE: Dane is not at all under any obligation to plug Nisku Ford to get a 5% discount on his truck payments.