THE BEST BUSINESS LUNCH IN EDMONTON IS: ALL HAPPY CHINESE RESTAURANT
Every month, Dane Patton and Dylan Morrison embark on a culinary journey to unearth the finest venue in Edmonton to host a business lunch with a potential client.
Price Range: ¥¥¥¥
Venue Rating: ★★★☆☆
Cuisine Rating: ★★★★☆★½
The time: 2:04 AM. While most plebeian aficionados d’gastronomie at this hour would be sending semi-coherent “u up?” texts to that special someone, why not wake up your most important client with rambling late-night phone call instead and treat them to some high class oriental fine dining. It’ll probably work out better for you anyways. We guarantee it*.
Your client’s expectations are high after said rambling late-night phone call. You promise him “a trip to an oriental paradise” and “some lit ginger beef”. Having gave your client a vague (and thoroughly incorrect) address in Chinatown and being 45 minutes late after trying and failing to close with the temptress back at the bar, you greet your client with a poorly-received bro hug and stumble into the establishment, letting the door hit your client on the way in.
While journeying down the silk road into the den of iniquity that is All Happy Family Restaurant, purveyors are greeted with flyers promising in an exotic tongue, great honour and prosperity to those fortunate enough to use the talents of Sandy Pon REALTORⓒ. While your client still has obvious doubts, they are immediately calmed when you are ushered to your table in the V-VIP Pacific Rim Business Section, under the glow of crimson ceremonial lanterns and a tasteful painting of the brutal life on a feudal Ming Dynasty rice paddy.
Do not be surprised that even at this hour All Happy has the commotion of a Guangzhou fish market at high noon. You may have to wait for more than 4 minutes for your order to arrive, so plan accordingly. Your client will be pleasantly surprised that Li Xianglan’s timeless 1953 classic “Fragrance of the Night” (夜來香) is played on loop, which will put them in a negotiable mindset.
All Happy Family Restaurant is renowned as a haven for the adventurous gourmand. Serving dishes that most decadent westerners would consider intimidating; those with the gift of truly savouring a flavour of the orient will be in their element.
Dylan set out to demonstrate his virility in order to establish dominance over a potential client in a crude attempt at a business power-move. He went for the most exotic item available, “ #38 Pan Fried Tofu with Vegetables” to shock a potential client at his ability to stomach such a dish full of mystery. Your client will be left wondering “What vegetables?” rather than “Why am I here at 2:04 AM with these clowns?”. Overall the tofu was a Great Leap Forward in taste for Dylan.
Having not gotten more than 11 likes on his #healthyeatingchallengemonth Instagram series, Dane gave up healthy eating and wanted to maximize the price/calorie/umami ratio. That said, he ordered literally everything with “Sweet ‘n Sour” in the name on the menu. With the price for this order coming to $241.37, it afforded a golden opportunity to pull out the company Black Card to impress a potential client and get some mad Aeroplan Points at the same time. Generally, the 18-course “Sweet ‘n Sour Surprise” was soothing on the palate, with the exception of the ‘Sweet ‘n Sour’ Wonton Soup, which Dane sent back because there was too many carbs in it.
Needless to say we were left satisfied, and your client will as well!
“To the ruler, the people are heaven; to the people, food is heaven.” – Ancient Chinese Proverb
*We at Best Business Lunch in Edmonton do not in fact guarantee this.