Super Bowl 50 Happened
Was the Super Bowl a Super Bore?
Well now that I have started with the obligatory journalistic-as-hell leading question, let’s dive into this. The biggest football game of the year has come and gone and was… okay? Kind of underwhelming? Impressively defensive? Whatever your take on the game, let’s be honest, there was no way the Broncos-Panthers final was going to compare to last year’s thrilling (and devastatingly maddening) down to the wire Seahawks-Patriots Super Bowl. Super Bowl 50 was always going to be the equivalent of coming on stage after Led Zeppelin, you’re never going to top that show.
Still, there was some interesting aspects to Super Bowl 50. Shockingly, Beyoncé found a way to overshadow the actual halftime headliner Coldplay (who I honestly forgot even played when it came time to write this article) and the Black Panthers somehow overtook the Carolina Panthers as the most talked about Panthers of the night. Cam Newton’s powerhouse offence sputtered to a halt against the Bronco’s, and he could not get them to start again. The Black Panthers, however are more relevant than they’ve been for decades thanks to a little help from the Queen Bey.
Also, in what very well might be—and very definitely should be—his final season, veteran QB, and future entrepreneur of forehead billboards, Peyton Manning was finally able to dispel the horrible rumours that there was even one way that his brother Eli was better than him. Franken-Neck was able to hobble his way into his second Super Bowl ring and a big win in his final season would put the cherry on top of his seriously amazing Hall of Fame career. Certainly, the fact that in both of his Super Bowl wins, he was—to put it kindly— just below useless probably takes a little bit of the shine out of his day, but luckily he gets to go home and drink some Budweiser’s (do I get money for that plug too now? Or is it only for over-the-hill quarterbacks who shamelessly shill for their corporate overlords?) But in all sincerity, congratulations to Peyton Manning and congratulations to his master Papa John.
Finally, the real congratulations go the Bronco’s defense—especially the beast of man Von Miller, whose MVP win was certainly deserved and almost makes up for his snub for defensive MVP of the year. Aqib Talib played as classy as always (what can I say, you can take the Patriot out of New England but you can’t take classless eye-gouger out of the player). Overall, it wasn’t a horrible game, but for everyone without the last name Manning, I doubt it’ll be one for the history books.