Transparent_Santa_Claus_with_Bag_of_Gifts

Dear Santa,

 

As you may know, I have nearly completed one semester of law school now. While my hair hasn’t started falling out quite yet, I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in four months. I lie in bed at night and worry about all sorts of issues. So I figured, Santa, you may be able to help. I have a few issues that I need resolved. Could you please research these complicated quandaries and craft your responses in memo format? I am starting up again on January 4th, but Christmas is an acceptable deadline. Please advise.

 

Issues:

1. How long do I have to sit at this table in the library before the law of adverse possession applies?

2. Is there a way to kick all of the SNAILS out of the library?

3. Will I ever be able to enjoy a TV show about lawyers again? (Additionally, why is Suits so wrong about everything?)

4. Is there a way to kick all of the SNAILS out of the library?

5. Where exactly is Blackacre? Who owns this place? What about Whiteacre?

6. Was his name really Learned Hand? Who names their child Learned?

7. Will my Friday nights ever be free again? (being a lawyer better be awesome!)

8. Where can I buy highlighters in bulk?

9. Who is this reasonable bystander they speak of? What does he or she look like? Can I meet him or her?

10. Is there a way to kick all of the SNAILS out of the library?

11. “Use your discretion” isn’t a real answer, right? RIGHT?

12. Why does “Paper Chase” keep coming up?

and finally,

13. How do I make it through exams?

 

I am eagerly expecting your answer. My law school career may depend on it, so I expect this memo to be well-researched. I’m counting on you, Santa.

 

Regards,

 

A disoriented 1L