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Olympics Opening Ceremony 2014: Fashion Police

Catherine Scott and Natasha Tames (3L)


Natasha: Such a tragedy that the handsome male athletes couldn’t partake in the opening ceremonies due to their kilts. I feel cheated and saddened.

Catherine: Obviously Lord Voldemort of Russia is not gay, otherwise he would understand why those of us attracted to manly bits need to see those Scottish male athletes in kilts.



Natasha: Although not the most stylish of outfits, Germany wins my vote, hands down, for best Sochi political trolls. A+ for the head-to-toe obnoxious rainbow attire that you “swear” isn’t a political statement. Bravo!

Catherine: I agree wholeheartedly. A+ for the best, most obvious political agenda ever. And by itself, I actually kind of like the coat.



Natasha: Cranberry HBC toggle coats? YES, PLEASE! I’m a big fan of Canada’s outfits this year … I am also completely impartial …

Catherine: They look like stylish RCMPs! Mounties, take notes! A. (They lose the A+ because of the weird Addidas shoe sneaker things.)



Natasha: I freaking love the sky blue, yellow, and white cowboy boots combined with the furry black hat. B+.

Catherine: I feel like that’s going to be Natasha’s new look next winter – very cute! I’ll give them a B since the rest of the team didn’t wear the furry black hat and cowboy boots.



Natasha: Dear lord, Ralph Lauren: what were you thinking?! Who in their right mind wears an atrocious Christmas sweater decorated with tacky Americana in February?! IN RUSSIA?! Why don’t these poor athletes have coats like all the other Olympians?

Catherine: This isn’t the Olympics for all nations! It’s the Olympics for Lord Voldemort of Russia and His Highness Ralph Lauren of Corporate America!



Natasha: Black Armani coats and pants? A+, Italy, A+.

Catherine: So Sexy. So dramatic. Love it. A+



Natasha: The red and white fur outfits of Team Lithuania make them look more like extras from Elf than serious competitors in the Winter Olympics … C+!

Catherine: I think they look like little limes, and I love it – A+!



Natasha: Sorry, but tinfoil hats are never in fashion. Maybe Team Norway is hoping that some sympathetic extraterrestrials will come and get them out of the awful communal washrooms of Sochi? But their pants are fun. B-

Catherine: Ew. Ew. Ew. B-



Natasha: Red Bermuda shorts and black knee-high socks. Is this real life?! I can’t believe that Bermuda shorts are seriously part of the official WINTER Olympic uniform. Even Canada was not brazen and ballsy enough to include shorts in our Olympic attire. A+ for confidence, though; I’m impressed by this island nation’s absence of fear in the face of frostbitten extremities.

Catherine: Why must Olympic athletes dress like someone’s Grandpa? I’m with Natasha, though: A+ for confidence and taking a risk.