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November – Miss Chiff

Dear Miss Chiff
Why is Miss Chiff so annoying?

–       NK


Dear Pea Brain,

I believe you’re confused about my true identity. Please review your sources, as they are obviously providing you with faulty gossip. If you knew who Miss Chiff actually was, your letter would probably read: “Dear Miss Chiff, How does it feel being the hottest and smartest woman in law school?” My response would be an emphatic “Amazing, thank you sweet sweet Canons reader”. Please send your apology note next month; I look forward to reading it.


Dear Miss Chiff,

I just opened a fancy line of credit and now have more money than God. Should I buy a horse or a car? I’m leaning towards a horse because a) it’s elitist, and b) I can park closer to the school. Your thoughts?

–       Seabiscuit


Dear Horse Face,

Well, this is probably the toughest decision you’ll face in law school. Even tougher than the classic how-many-FREE-glasses-of-wine-should-I-have-at-the-OCI-wine-and-cheese-night dilemma. God does have a lot of money, but judging from your letter He does not have enough money to buy both. Who knew? I like your logic with the horse, but you probably don’t have the money to hire a stable hand. Thus, you would be left to pick up the road apples yourself, and where is the elitism in that?


Dear Miss Chiff,

I have a crush on my professor.  I also have a girlfriend.  Should I ditch the GF and make a move?

–       Unsecured Partner


Dear Future Disbarment,

Well, this appears to be a thinly veiled reference to a certain very stylish PPSL professor, BUT, to make this juicier I am going to assume that you have an unethical crush on your Professional Responsibilities instructor. In which case, we should look to the code! The code talks a lot about being courteous and civil, and ain’t nothing more civil than telling your professor she’s looking fly. If she slaps you or reports you for non-academic misconduct, I suggest you stay with your girlfriend.


Dear Miss Chiff,

I am not in law school, but I like to hang out in your lounge every so often. I read your awesome newspaper and watch all of the cute future lawyers! Lawyers all seem so smart and funny, what can I do to woo one of you? I already study in your library, but how should I take it to the next level?

–       Polite Poli Sci Girl


Dear Grossly Misinformed,

Don’t. Just don’t.


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