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Miss Chiff: How Not to Share Notes

Miss Chiff (??L)

All similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental – expect where it’s intentional.

 

Dear Miss Chiff,

I used to take quick snoozes in class all the time during my undergrad. Now that I’m constantly boozing after class I’m permanently tired. When is it ok to nap in my law school classes?

– Rip Van Winkle

 

Dear Tinkle,

 

Looks like we have Booze v School in this case with the Honorable Miss Chiff presiding. ALL RISE! School/grades only matter for becoming a lawyer and OCIs/articling week. Booze matters for social lives, having fun (because you’re probably pretty boring, you are in law school), snappin’ necks and cashin’ cheques (you’ll actually probably need a job to cash those cheques). So I’m probably going to have to err on the side of not getting drunk every night so you aren’t falling asleep in class, wait until you have a job for that. So, no, never is appropriate to nap in class (unless it is a rare and elusive Movie Day, then nap away).

 

Dear Miss Chiff,

Every time a professor calls on me in class I freeze. This could be my crippling fear of speaking, or it could be that I never do the readings. What kinds of excuses should I make for not being prepared for class?

– Slacker Jack

 

Dear Freezie Puff,

 

The following is something that I have seen actually happen, and was one of the more interesting question evasions I have ever seen in law school. Just completely ignore the professor. For example: if the professor says, “Freezie Puff, what is the requisite mens rea for murder?”, you would simply stare at your computer screen, or straight ahead (if you’re a dinosaur or trilobite fossil that takes notes by hand), and wait for the moment to pass. The prof might say your name a few times, or you might turn beet red and get all shifty eyed, but screw it! #YOLO!!

 

Dear Miss Chiff:

Someone in one of my classes always skips class and then asks me for my notes. I really don’t want to give them my notes, but I also don’t want to burn any bridges. I’m already known as a gunner; the last thing I need is for people to think I’m also a heartless, note-hoarding jerk. Thoughts?

– Note a Jerk

 

Dear Jerkiest Nerd,

 

I like to give them the notes still, but insert strange (and incorrect) facts and personal insults among the case names and ratios. Soon they may catch on, and likely stop asking for notes, and abracadavra your problem is solved! Change a “does” to “does not” or a “negligent conduct” to an “intentional conduct” in the ratio of an important case, and if they don’t catch on it is even better! WORK THAT CURVE BABY!

 

Have a burning question you’d like a snarky answer to? Saw a law student you just can’t get off your mind? I can help! Email misschiffmissedconnections@gmail.com to have your problems solved and your dreams come true!