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A Modest Proposal: How to make more money from students

It is a melancholy object to students of this law school to see that there will be a $12 fee ($13.05 after converting to Canadian dollars) for writing exams each semester on their laptops. Over the course of three years, each student will have to pay $72 for the convenience of writing their exams electronically. While none of us are particularly upset about the amount we have to pay, it does raise the question – what’s next?


Perhaps there are some other ways the faculty would like to make money off of us which they can’t *technically* include in tuition. How about a fee for the bathrooms? You can certainly justify it along the same lines that “other places do it” – that is, European cities, and low income neighbourhoods in Toronto and Vancouver. There’s a simple alternative if students don’t want to pay – drink your coffee at home. You could also include the “added convenience” of do-it-yourself plumbing maintenance.


What about a BYOF (Bring Your Own Furniture) initiative to the library? The school can sell its stock of furniture and we would be free to bring our own and study at whatever sort of table, beanbag chair, leaning against the wall, situation would work best for us. It’s really in the best interests of students not to be leaning over desks all day anyways. Why not call it a “Healthy Posture Initiative” – really classes it up.  As an added bonus, students will no longer complain that the SNAILS are taking over the library when there’s nowhere left for them to sit. I guess the faculty could also spin it as fulfilling student requests for a law student only library. We asked for it!


Or maybe there are heating or electricity costs to be saved. First things first, turn the heat off. Hey, if you don’t like it, buy a bigger jacket, bring your quilt, or do jumping jacks in between lectures. Students are here to get an education, but what do you think this is, a country club? Let students fend for themselves during the Edmonton winter! Isn’t studying Conflicts in the freezing cold enough to warm your heart? Maybe students will actually be able to stay awake in some of the duller classes now for fear of dying of frostbite in the middle of a lecture. No longer will professors have to put up with students who have that half-glazed look in their eye, instead they can watch as students stamp their feet and clap their hands together to stay warm.

Second, faculty instituted rolling blackouts of the electricity would encourage students to charge their laptops at home. How come students are freeloading off the faculty in the first place by charging their computers at the school? Hasn’t the school made it obvious they don’t want students bringing their laptops to school – isn’t that what the $12 charge was about in the first place?