Dear Miss Chiff: Free Lunch, Law Widows, & More


Dear Miss Chiff:

My nose is always pointing me in the direction of the free food at events throughout the law building. I want deliciously free pizza but don’t have time to attend every club meeting or listen to lectures on the law that aren’t mandatory. I have enough regular (pizzaless) lectures to not care about already, thank you very much. What’s a hungry person to do?

-                    Fond of Free Food



I am assuming you are an upper year that is remembering the glory days of free pizza mountains before the great budget cuts of ’13. So you’re in luck! With the shortage of funding on everyone’s minds here at the Faculty, you won’t even have to worry about finding too much free food. Free pizza? Nope! Free sandwiches? Nope! Free Desserts? Don’t even think about it!


Dear Miss Chiff:

My ex-gf is also at the University with me. I’m really insecure about it because she’s a total babe and is dating someone who makes Brad Pitt look more like Nic Cage. How can I boost my self-esteem?

-                    Nearly as Bad as Nic Cage


Bad Judgment,

I can’t say that I understand your problem here. Nic Cage is a total babe. I am not sure if you’re familiar with Miley’s recent “Wrecking Ball” video, but you should look up the Nic Cage version ASAP. So if you’re suggesting that she broke up with you (Nic Cage look-a-like) for her new boyfriend (Brad Pitt), then she made a really bad choice, and you probably don’t want to date her anyways.


Dear Miss Chiff:

I’m in law school but my significant other is not. They don’t get that my books are going to be my new loves for the foreseeable future and I don’t have as much time to give them loving anymore. How do I do both at the same time? *wink

-        Double-header



Ahhh, the classic law-school-widow. Well, the good news is that it gets sooo much better when you’re articling, so the end is in sight! When you’re articling, work/life balance is ideal (this also applies to being a junior associate). So just tell your significant other to hold on tight and you’ll be there for them soon enough.


Miss Chiff,

Now that Breaking Bad is over, I don’t know what to do! I am seriously procrastinating on finding a new procrastination activity, what do you suggest?

-        Tweaker



Procrastination is paramount in professional programs (see what I did there!?). I suggest a fantasy sports league (why have skills of your own when you can just judge others instead?), celeb gossip sites (see above re: judgment), or streaming a trashy reality TV show online (again with the judgment). Anything that makes you feel better about yourself by default is the best choice!


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