Hong Kong Law Guy

Sam Hyman (3L)

Name: Samuel Ari Eliezar Hyman

Hometown: Vancouver, BC

Current year: 3L

Where are you currently living?
Bethlehem Hall, Hong Kong. I’m actually not quite sure why it’s called Bethlehem, but that’s where I live. I have a roommate and we live in about 100 square feet – welcome to Hong Kong [Editor’s note: there seems to be a correlation between Bethlehem and a lack of space].

What is the coolest thing about your new place?
Dim sum practically is a religion here. There is even a dim sum channel on the TV, I don’t think it has anything to do with Dim Sum… but it is called the Dim Sum channel which is pretty legit.

Biggest cultural difference?
Showering at night. I’m the only one on my floor who showers in the morning and nine times out of ten I have a really awkward encounter with the cleaning staff when I step out of the shower.

Is there anybody out there?
I’m here, and I’m taking calls. Every time I read this question I want to start singing: I think we’re alone now, there doesn’t seem to be any one around… just me? I mean really – who doesn’t love Tiffany?

What are you most looking forward to when you get back to Edmonton?
Definitely the weather. It’s torture having to wear shorts to school and breaking a sweat in November [Editor’s note: Sam is being unnecessarily cruel here].

Who do you miss the most back home?
Access to peanut butter. It’s the small things right? I actually had peanut butter delivered by family who visited. I guard it in my room like a state secret [Editor’s note: Caleigh beware].

What are you least looking forward to when you get back to Edmonton?
The lack of canto-pop (Cantonese popular music) on the radio. It soothes me to sleep here.

Did Tony Soprano die?
If I told you that I’d have to kill you. This question and indigestion keep me up at night.

How long will I live?
I’m afraid to die. I don’t want to be there when it happens – Woody Allen

What TV show has been cancelled that should have been cont’d?
Arrested Development. Hands down. I thought I had found the show that would get me through my twenties and then it was ripped away from me. I sometimes wonder what the world would be like if Arrested Development had continued. I imagine there would be doves and peace.

Law idols. Do you have any?
Jack McCoy. Yes, he is the reason I went to Law School. And I know Law and Order is why most of you went to law school – be honest with yourself. The great McCoy once said and I quote, “when you argue, I have this compulsive need to argue back.” – that’s me. I even told a recruiter that he was my favourite lawyer of all time and that I wanted to be like him because he is complicated…I didn’t get the job.

Hong Kong Law Girl

Caleigh Rabbitte (3L)

Name: Caleigh Jane Doran Rabbitte

Hometown: Calgary

Current year: 3L

Where are you currently living?
Sha Tin. No, I am not kidding, and if you cannot see why it’s funny, you don’t understand toilet humour at all.

What is the coolest thing about your new place?
Well, living on the side of a mountain in a tropical mega city where you can go to the beach, Disneyland, China, and your classes all in one day is pretty cool, but if I had to choose I would have to say its shotgunning turbos outside the 7-11 for the price of 1 CDN$.

Biggest cultural difference?
Lack of vegetables, which leads into my issue of salads here. Salads here are either made with potatoes and mayo (gross) are made with 50% corn (yuck) or worse, boiled lettuce (WTF?).

Do blondes have more fun?
The blondes on this side of the world are few and far between, and sadly, probably have less fun because they are stared at and pointed at by children even more than I am.

Is there anybody out there?
I think if I yelled it right now, nobody would answer, but that’s because most of the my floor in my residence are girls from the Mainland and they seem afraid of me and my western personality. I know they are there because they shout loudly through the halls all day and night.

What are you most looking forward to when you get back to Edmonton?
Apparently people who are old enough to be in law school in Canada are not forced to share bedrooms, so that will be a welcome change.

What are you least looking forward to when you get back to Edmonton?
I thought I could go on having tuition waived, wearing flip flops and shorts every day, taking only pass-fail courses and travelling every other week to another country forever. So, in other words, the horrible depression of not being on a term abroad. Oh and that lovely +20 to -40 temperature change. Charming.

Did Tony Soprano die?
I don’t know who that is, but once when I was in the New York airport I saw an old looking large Italian man and I pointed him out as an Italian mobster to my friends. He was very much alive eating Dunkin’ Donuts.

What TV show has been cancelled that should have been cont’d?
I know why Jenna asked this question. She wanted me to go on at length about a certain detective show that ended unceremoniously to purposely inflict pain upon me. Fortunately I make everybody else I know suffer by lending out the Veronica Mars DVD sets in turn.

Law idols. Do you have any?
I know you expect me to put John Law because he rocks the bow tie, or Wayne Renke because he could put me in a headlock, or Lewis Klar because he is a legend. But my real law idol is Caitlin Mason because she still believes she can change the world for the better.

How to Convince People to Come to our Christmas party

Michael Bokhaut and Jordan Crone, 3Ls

Jordan – Convincing people to come to a party is easy… especially if I am present.
Michael – Are you going to be wearing an ugly Christmas sweater?
Jordan – Your mother made me an ugly Christmas sweater.
Michael- My mother only knits Hanukah related apparel.
Jordan – Wait, doesn’t this pose a problem… do you even celebrate Christmas?
Michael – No.
Jordan – My bad, but I am still wearing your mother’s sweater. So what are we going to make for the Christmas party?
Michael – Cranberries, ham, potatoes, green beans, brussels sprouts, gravy and A CHIDURKEY!
Jordan – What is a ChiDurrkey?
Michael – It is a duck stuffed in a chicken, inside a turkey.
Jordan – Wouldn’t that make it a Duchirkey?
Michael – What is important, is its overall amazingness, not its name.
Jordan – Understood. But, to make this party more amazing, what we need is, in no specific order: scotch, strippers, Yeyo, fireworks, a hot tub and watermelons.
Michael – Watermelons?
Jordan – What else would you use to throw off the balcony?
Michael – Strippers?
Jordan – and how are we going to set up the hot tub?
Michael – Isn’t that what Yeyo is for? So… who should we invite?
Jordan – My vote is for Raheem Jaffer, he knows Yeyo well.
Michael – I am going to invite Travis Martin.
Jordan – I like his website… but I fear he may make the party less amazing.
Michael – So on another note, I don’t like Christmas music.
Jordan – Then what would you like to hear?
Michael – Robert Goulet, The Coconut Bangers Ball: It’s A Rap.
Jordan – Well it sounds like our party will be Aaaa … wait for it … wait for it… and I hope you don’t get lost easy… cause the second part of that word is mazing.

How to Convince People to Come to a Holiday Party

Susan Rawlings and Amanda Hart-Dowhan, 2Ls

Susan: First of all I would NOT make people have to bring gifts, no secret Santa or anything like that. It is stressful to decide what to get someone and you always end up with something crappy like a dog-shaped candle or a glass ladybug. Not having to buy gifts is awesome. My aunt likes to make us stand in a circle and tell a favourite Christmas memory. I would promise that no one will get put on the spot and have to come up with some B.S. story that basically parallels when Ralphie got the BB gun in “A Christmas story”. Next, I would not force anyone to sing Christmas carols unless he or she really wanted to.
Amanda: snow that never melts. It’s all about the snow. ‘Nuf said. A utopia, everyone is singing with their lovely Christmas sweaters, enjoying the snow off the Christmas tree. And splashing around in the rum and eggnog fountain. There will also be a stripping Santa, jumping out of the giant fruitcake. How festive. Sexy elves.
Susan: I would also make sure there were no weddings snuck in there. Screw weddings and their overpriced jerkiness.
Amanda: the Santa would have to be sexy because we would be sitting on his (or her) lap. Obviously no kids. No offence to kids, but…. Anyways, the candy canes will be for the parents tonight. Hehe.
There will obviously be gambling. We can bet on who throws up first…and who is the biggest ho ho ho of the party. Festive.
Susan: I would come for sure if there was a metal band. They will all be dressed up like terrifying Santa Clauses. Because they accidentally thought the memo said Satan.
Amanda: and we will roast a reindeer over the open fire. As the snow nips at our noses.
Susan: MOONSHINE.
Amanda: if you are too intoxicated, consent is nullified. We will make a bonfire over all of our casebooks. And throw them over the balcony (inside joke!). This is what you get for asking me to write something before exams.
Susan: I would also show up if I was told there would be no moustaches.
Amanda: I guess I will have to remove mine then. It is no shave Movember all month. We should also have green and red beer.
Susan: oh yeah! Food. Double Downs for everyone!!!
Amanda: if we are going to do this, we better make sure there is a wide array of washrooms available.
Susan: No crappy family members that you don’t really want to see allowed!! And that concludes the best holiday ever.
Amanda: as long as the snow is falling from the ceiling.

The Fairytale of J1Ll

Katie Rowe and Jenna Heska, 2Ls

In a magical land not too far away, lives a law princess named J1Ll. As with any good fairytale princess, J1Ll is about to face a seemingly insurmountable obstacle. Let’s join up with her now…
J1Ll should have seen it coming. She had been warned about it. She knew there was no way to avoid it. All the same, neither her brain nor her liver were prepared for what lay ahead. She knew the signs: increased snail slime in the Weir forest, a propensity in the older royalty to wear sweatpants around court, a new shakiness in the gunners’ voices, and most dismaying, the local tavernue was only frequented by the true alcoholics in her midst, of which she was one apparently.
Poor J1ll. It was exam-slaying season and she was unprepared. She knew she wasn’t alone, but that didn’t ease her worries. She had sloughed off her reading one day at a time until there weren’t enough days left. It was completely understandable; there were always better things to do than read, such as writing contributions for the monthly tabloid. But where to start now?
As the sundial circled, she became more and more distressed. Her roommates despaired at her gaudy attire and longed for the days when the sweet aroma of baked goods filled their halls. J1Ll’s once luscious locks were now lacklustre and thinning. Her finger nails were gnawed to the cuticle. Her eyes were puffy and encased by thick dark circles. She feared her diet of Hot Pockets and Coke Zero had left her with a case of scurvy. When asked how she was, she could only let out wails of “IiiiiiiiRrrAaaaaCcc!”
She took solace in no one; her mentor Sir Percy worried about the poor girl. Sir Percy knew that her only option was a miracle. He took J1Ll aside after class and took her laptop from her bag. He gave it a twist and with a flick of his wrist, the laptop transformed into a charming young gentleman named Prince CANalot. Sir Percy warned J1Ll that Prince CANalot would disappear forever at midnight on December 22nd but that she could do whatever she wanted with him until then.
Once Prince CANalot established that he had no interest in J1Ll’s cans, all J1Ll wanted from him were his golden CANs. He was a sharing and chivalrous fellow, so he was happy to oblige. J1Ll’s stress was lifted and she was able to write slightly above average exams in every course.
As she tucked herself into bed in the wee hours of the morning of December 23rd, she thanked Gudsons for its libations and promised herself that she would be on top of her reading in the New Year.
Best of luck on your exams!
Jenna and Katie

Excerpts from the Exam-Time Phraseology Book

Jorge Pineda (2L)

As exams approach, some common catchphrases start to be heard around campus. If you’re feeling confused by all this lingo, here is a guide to some exam-time phraseology.
“I challenge you” – A phrase more often heard between males. Students often use this popular phrase to persuade a fellow peer to a game of ping-pong or foosball. This is often said in mocking, confrontational tones, calculated to challenge the opponent’s sense of man-hood in order to coax him out of studying, and into a lengthy state of procrastination.
“The hardest part about law school is getting in” – This handy phrase has been traditionally handed down from upper years to 1Ls. It is used as a psychological pre-exam pep talk in order to lessen the effect of the blunt-force trauma that will rain down on them and steal away their innocence during exam time. This phrase is often coupled with, “just do what you did to get in, and you’ll be fine.”
“I’m studying” – Refers to a law student’s habit of sitting in front of his or her computer at the Weir Library with a steady supply of granola bars, high-in-sugar snacks, caffeinated drinks and trail-mix. The act of “I’m studying” includes, but is not limited to, making facebook updates, looking at friends’ drinking pictures, making fantasy football and hockey trades, surfing the Onion News network, planning Christmas and Reading Week vacations, napping, shopping online, and habitually reviewing course material.
“I’m studying in the quiet room” – Refers to a law student who wants to perform all the acts covered under the phrase “I’m studying” with more concentration and focus.
“Good luck on the exam!” – Often said immediately before beginning to write a 100% final. This can usually be translated to mean, “I hope you do relatively well on the exam, like a B or B-.”
“Wanna go to Hudson’s and get a burger?” – Colloquial phrase meaning, “Wanna go to Hudson’s and get slightly inebriated?” This powerful phrase is seen to be very persuasive; it’s powers of coercion increase at 4pm during Happy Hour. It can often prompt a perfectly studious group of law students to stroll down to Hudson’s on Campus to see who will stop drinking first.
“Wanna go to HUB?” – Can often mean, “I’m really not that hungry, but my ass is killing me, facebook chat is getting lame and I’ve put in over one and quarter hour of solid study time.”
“It’s freezing outside” – Popularly translates into “It’s exam time, there’s nothing interesting to say except that I’ve been wearing the same sweat suit for two weeks and I often lose track of the last time I showered, so I’ll start a conversation by stating the obvious.”
“Oh my God, I’m so stressed out” – see “It’s freezing outside.”

A Roast of Ungrateful Law Students

Jessie Duhn (2L)

I recently attended the Faculty’s annual Awards Reception night where students, faculty, and generous donors of the law school, come together to recognize outstanding student achievement and those donors who make such recognition possible. What would have been a fabulous soiree with free hors d’oeuvres, and more importantly free alcohol, turned into an evening of discomfort and embarrassment for myself, and the fellow students sitting at my table. What abominable action could have caused such disquiet in us? What social faux pas could have ruffled the feathers of the likes of Cameron Anderson and Steven Dollansky you ask? It was you my fellow law students, or rather, your absence.
The surprisingly low turnout from fellow award recipients was abysmal. I know everyone received the invitation, because student services bombarded my inbox until I eventually wandered down to pick mine up. What I am not so sure about is whether everyone realized its significance, and that the award donors would be there to congratulate, shake hands with, and in some instances, take a photograph with the recipient. The evening started off fine enough, with the majority of the recipients in attendance, or with the Dean merely passing over those awards. However, it soon became particularly embarrassing after several apologies and conveyed regrets by Dean Bryden to the donors, and their family members in attendance, regarding the students’ absence. The pièce de résistance of the evening came when award recipients were called by the Dean to come receive their award from their donors and they were nowhere to be found. This begs the question, in addition to becoming a cynic in law school did you also loose your manners, because surely everyone’s social graces are refined enough to know when a “thank you” is in order. I mean even Trent came to the reception for goodness sakes.
Now you may be appeasing yourself by saying, “Oh, but I wrote them a thank you letter”. Good for you. So did many others who made the effort to come to the reception. This evening takes less than two hours of your precious time, and reflects to your donor your appreciation and the importance this award has had on helping you finance your education. I understand a busy schedule as much as the next person, but I also understand the importance of gratitude.
Those of you with legitimate prior commitments can be partially forgiven. However, it is still the student’s responsibility to make student services aware of their absence in order for their regrets and thanks to be conveyed to the donors on their behalf. This is also necessary to avoid embarrassing blunders whereby a student not in attendance is called upon to receive their award.
It is our responsibility as law students to show appreciation to donors of our law school to ensure the sustainability of these awards and donations for future generations to come. What is more, you will soon be joining the majority of these donors in the legal community, and should perhaps consider the reflection this has on you as an individual.
Never underestimate the power of a simple “thank you”.

Facebook: Friend or Frenemy?

Amelia Pask (3L)

Oh Facebook. In the five or so years you’ve been around, we have gone from tentatively using fake names and dark unidentifiable photos to trusting you with those nights where it seems only you remember what happened through the next day’s upload of photos. And yet you have never returned this uncompromising trust. With each harmless “What obscure Disney Princess are you?” quiz, you share my demographic data with the quiz developer. You reward each new game I try with my real email address (Farmville – WHY?). Facebook, I thought you promised you would keep that just between us.
But now I know your true nature. Facebook, you have been found out – and not just by me. Your corporate minions ignored the Canadian Privacy Commissioner until she filed a lawsuit against you. You didn’t like that, did you – and you didn’t like it when she teamed up with the privacy commissioners of 17 other nations to form the Global Privacy Enforcement Network to more effectively deal with you. Yes, it is the Justice League of privacy regulators: here to protect your 500 million users from the things you would do with our private information.
As your ever-changing Terms of Service point out, if I upload any content protected by intellectual property rights, I’m granting you a “non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license” until I delete that content from Facebook. That’s fairly broad and inclusive, isn’t it? Well, at least you’re not purporting to actually take ownership of my photos anymore. Those Terms of Service did say though that if I delete my photos from my profile, but Jill still has copies in her photo album, the license isn’t terminated – you can still use them! And, even if I delete my photos and convince everyone I’ve shared them with to delete them too, they’ll stick around on your servers for a while. Why can’t you let go, Facebook? I do still want to be friends after all.
I’m addicted to the ease with which you let me creep other people’s profiles – I mean, keep in touch with old friends. Keeping in touch is what you were created for, right? But, Facebook, you have lulled me into a false sense of security. Without tweaking my privacy preferences every time you change something, the whole world would have access to my secrets – even potential employers. In which case, I’d really you rather not have a worldwide, transferable license to photos of me at the Rugby Alumni party. Thankfully, ultimatums from the Justice League-privacy commissioners has caused an upgrade in your privacy setting options. I could have different privacy settings for all of my friends! Best of all, I can set it so that no one except my friends or friends of friends can search for me, and no one, without my friending them first, can see my profile or photos or videos or wall or…
Facebook, we’ll stay friends, but I’m not telling you any secrets anymore.

SLS Elections

Jason Kully, 2L

Welcome to Poster Bash! It was a lucky few that managed to catch a glimpse of the SLS elections posters. As in any good University election, candidates in the contested positions attempted to use a mix of humor, sex, professionalism and…snowmen (?!) to buy your vote.
“The Man of the People” – Ben Lotery attempted to demonstrate that he was a man of the people. However, somebody forgot to tell him that “the people” normally don’t wear an ensemble worth more than Jason’s car (Georgio and Hugo are a bit rich for the law student diet). Rumor has it than Ben had law school paparazzo David Archibold snap his poster photos. How he managed to drag Batman himself into the law building on the weekend is unknown, but it was to his advantage as the lighting in the gavel truly captured his best side.
“Brought to you by the SS” – June Ling regressed to simpler times with a Sesame Street type focus on the letter “J”. Using some lengthy “J” words demonstrated both her vocabulary prowess and her acute awareness that some of us were too busy buying textbooks we should have bought in September to remember the last three letters on her name (here’s lookin’ at you Weidman).
“Best Use of Shiny Objects” – Jessica Fuller took us back to our kindergarten days when it was okay to draw with crayons and cut things out of colourful paper. Jess’ kindergarten teacher must have been wonderful, as she demonstrated both dexterity and an aesthetic eye. At least her Art School portfolio is complete if this law school thing doesn’t work out.
“Best Clichés” – While Jess was busy searching for the crayons not seen since the early 1990s, Nicole Patterson was overpaying to print at Staples, and trying to hide her shame as the 16 year old boys behind the counter giggled at her Victoria Secret bag. Change is good when it comes to Victoria’s best-kept secret.
“Use of…Snowmen?” – Alex Seaman focused on the miserable weather outside (too bad it was too cold to make a real snowman), while posing in a Lindsay Lohan style mug shot. Someone forgot to inform Seaman that mug shots usually consist of running mascara and meth sores, but we’ll let her get away with this one.
“Keep it Simple, Stupid” – Ceilidh Hemmati wins the award for best use of the “Formal” template from Microsoft Word. In a normal election, Ceilidh’s poster would fit right in. Maybe this was just a warm up for a Students Union run. Ceilidh, if you need a campaign manager, we can give you Steven Dollansky’s number.
“The Cutest Little Face” – Katie Rowe’s posters are the icing on the SLS election cake. Based on her posters, we feel a win for Katie means the PBSC office will quickly be covered with kitten posters. And possibly real kittens. But in the words of Mitch McInnes, “I love kittens, you love kittens, we all love kittens.”

Avenue Pizza Restaurant Review

Anil Hampole (2L)

Avenue Pizza and Lounge: a hallowed local institution and go-to watering hole for many U of A law students. For many of us, the school week ends on a Thursday, and Thursday can never arrive soon enough. It’s at this point, after a pre-Avenue nap of course, that I find myself magnetically drawn to this celebrated establishment.
As soon as I enter the all too familiar environment, the aromatic waft of beer, pepperoni and Burt Reynolds invades me. As for the decor of the place, it’s really hard to pin down. The way I see it, if Roseanne Barr and Tony Danza were to ever have a lovechild, conceived in the locker room of a hockey arena, they would probably give birth to a pizza joint that serves booze and a slice of karaoke, and its name would be Avenue Pizza. If that doesn’t help, I can only suggest you take the time to bask in its glory yourself.
In a place like this, normal, everyday common sense and logic fly out the window and cease to make the sense they once did. If it’s your first time entering the Thunder Dome that is Avenue, just keep in mind that the initial unfamiliarity can allow fear to creep in and a bad trip might follow. Always exercise caution. As a wise upper year once told me, “Sometimes you eat at Avenue, and well….sometimes Avenue eats you.” But on the flipside, it is also from this freshness and purity of experience that you can step outside yourself and see things in a whole new way (certainly after enough tequila shots).
Of course, I have to make mention of the Karaoke sound machine. Thursday night karaoke at Ave is a combination of people who shouldn’t sing with people who probably shouldn’t be drinking…. that much. If you are new to karaoke, just remember a few things: 1) Don’t feel obligated to buy someone dinner for singing with you; 2) While karaoke-ing, it’s ok to have multiple partners; 3) If you ever go to a concert and expect the band to call you up to sing, you probably need to ease off the karaoke a little; and most importantly 4) If a man by the name of Jason Buttuls ever asks you to karaoke with him…. don’t do it. He will let you down.
On any given Thursday night at Avenue, it can sometimes seem like we‘re a school of fish swimming in a glass bowl. And in the end, that’s really not so bad. Because when we move on and join the sea, we can always look back and say we had some pretty good times back in that bowl. And oh yeah, I almost forgot….the pizza is pretty darn good too! Try the thin crust.

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