LAW GUY

JAY WHITE (2L)

Hometown: Montréal, Québec

Undergrad: Athletic Therapy/Business Minor

Where did you spend the majority of your summer? In Edmonton playing ultimate, tennis and golf.

What was the tenor of your summer? Last summer of unemployment, I hope, so it was pretty relaxed.

What was the big event of your summer? Heading back home to see family and friends in Montréal.

What is your favourite song of the summer? Well, “Scatman” is my favourite song no matter what year or season it is. But if I had to choose one it would be “By the Sword” by Slash and Andrew Stockdale of Wolfmother.

What September event are you looking forward to most? Law’s a Beach softball tournament, if that’s even in September.

What was your favourite extra-curricular last year? Tie between Law Games, even though I missed most of the parties; and Law Show Singing, even though I can’t sing.

What is your strategy for the new school year? Going to the library more so I do more of the readings when they’re due instead of the week before exams.

If you could have dinner with any prof who would you choose and why? Maybe Dr. Bauman. He was my favorite Prof in first year, and maybe if I go to lunch with him, he will know who I am.
What would you like to say to the locker room bandit? If he’s holding a lock cutter, I ain’t saying nothing.

What 1L class will you NOT miss? LRW, I always tried to come up with some sort of excuse to convince myself to skip that class. I even skipped it to watch the Alouettes Grey Cup Parade on TV. GO ALS GO!

What is your usual at Hello My Friend Cafe? I still haven’t been there, I don’t drink coffee. But I do say hi to Steve.

What will you be singing at Avenue this Thursday? Whatever a group of people come up and tell me we will be singing. I would say Scatman by Scatman John because he’s the dad of one of our fellow law students, but they don’t have it.

Not that you ever surf the internet in class, but what is your favourite procrastination website? Cracked.com http://Cracked.com/! They have lists of random stuff, like “the 6 most statistically full of crap professions”, I’ve wasted way too much time on this site. I don’t recommend going on this site. But seriously, you guys should check it out.

What is your biggest regret from 1L? Cracked.com http://cracked.com/, and losing the Frisbee finals at Law Games.
What is your one piece of advice to incoming 1Ls? Reading all the books in the last week of classes sucks. If you find people you can work with just split the readings and share notes, so much easier. Also, if you go to Law Games, don’t talk to Queens. We don’t like Queens.

Law Girl

Nicole Hartman (2L)

Hometown: St. Albert, Alberta.

Undergrad: B.Sc. in Environmental and Conservation Sciences.
Where did you spend most of your summer? I spent most of the summer in Edmonton but I also took a big trip to Italy and some shorter trips to San Francisco and Golden.

What was the tenor of your summer? My summer was laidback and fun. After the chaos of 1L it was nice to take some time to reconnect with all the family and friends that I neglected during school.

What was the big event of your summer? I spent three sweltering weeks in Italy. It was fantastic! However, I wouldn’t recommend visiting in July –unless you like carrying around napkins to mop up your sweat.

What is your favourite song of the summer? I’m addicted to the entire Mumford and Sons album. And I still haven’t gotten tired of Mother Mother.

What September event are you most excited for? I can’t really remember what events happen in September, other than First Friday Back. So I’ll say that one – it was a good time last year
What was your favourite extra-curricular last year? Law Show, hands down. Where else can you wear ugly plaid yellow pants and suspenders and still fit in?

What is your strategy for the new school year? I will be seeking more balance. This year I’m going to attempt to have a life beyond studying. I’d love to actually spend time with friends outside of the library (maybe my roommate will stop calling me a cave troll), plus it’s probably a good idea to get some regular exercise because dodgeball isn’t quite cutting it.

If you could have dinner with any prof who would you choose? Probably Professor Harrington. She has led such an interesting life and has so much knowledge about international law. Or maybe Professor Robertson. He’s so dreamy.

What would you like to say to the locker room bandit? Instead of talking, I’d use some sweet ninja moves and bring them to justice! Okay, I don’t have any sweet ninja moves, but I would scold them thoroughly.

What 1L class will you NOT miss? Definitely Property. I still have nightmares about that class.

What’s your usual at Hello My Friend Café? I’m partial to Steve’s chocolate mint tea. And chai lattes!

What will you be singing at Avenue this Thursday? I have a soft spot for old jazz and blues, so I might bust out Crazy by Patsy Cline.

Not that you ever surf the internet in class, but what is your favourite procrastination website? Fail Blog and Lamebook are very good for procrastination. But beware of uncontrollable laughing fits!

What is your biggest regret from 1L? I’m ashamed to admit that I never went to karaoke at Avenue. It’s terrible, I know! I’ll make up for it this year.

What is your advice to incoming 1Ls? I guess just try not to panic. You just need to figure out what works best for you. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask an upper year for help.

WHAT NOT TO DO IN 1L

KATIE RAND (2L)

Since you’ve already ignored the countless “Do Not go to law school” warnings you’ve undoubtedly received, here’s some you should actually listen to.

Do not take everything you hear in the first week seriously. It will all freak you out and you will either end up joining everything or nothing in fear you won’t ever be leaving the library from that list of endless readings you’ll also get in the first week.

Don’t skip everything because you think you have too much work. You’ll end up with the same mark anyways and have less fun/more bitterness towards those who are never closing down the library with you but do just as well. Hudsons is across the street and will always win in the after class decision of socializing or library, so accept it. If you don’t, the peer pressure will get you over there anyways.

Regardless of the events/ridiculous cold don’t be the person people question if they still go to our school. Make an appearance at least once a week. For those not from Alberta, you may think humans cannot survive going outside in -30C. They can’t, so live as close to school as possible and run.

For the sake of your entire class, and yourself, do not be the vocal overachiever. If you hear groans directly correlated to your hand shooting up for the 8th time, stop, put it down and limit yourself to a couple relevant questions per class(EN:SLS has already stated that they won’t be defending anybody else on charges like they did for the 2011 graduating class who sorted out a “gunner” in their first year with the same ruthlessness that Jill Gamez was famous for during both of her long stretches in prison.).

Don’t ever admit to dreams about any professor. Even if you don’t mention it in a Canons article, it will not be forgotten and you will be taunted endlessly in and out of said professor’s class.

Seriously, don’t leave your laptop in your locker, unless you’re one of those crazy old schoolers who chooses to handwrite. It contains your life and should be guarded as such. Just hearing about the devastation of someone getting theirs stolen was enough for me to guard mine closer than my signed Hanson CD.

This may seem obvious but do not take the “read every page of this exam” warning lightly. The feeling when you’ve realised you missed an entire page of an exam is the worst imaginable…and yes it is possible for it to happen to one person twice in one year.

Lastly, do not agree to write this article when you are not witty and hilarious. It will take you 10 times longer and look stupid next to it’s “he said” counterpart (EN: Nothing ever looks stupid in Canons. Some say that professors only hand out A+ marks to those who get published in Canons in their first year.).

What not to do in 1L

Adam Len Kaukus (3L)

Welcome to 1L. My first piece of advice: get used to people calling it 1L. It’s a fun new lingo that bonds law students and lawyers, while conveniently alienating the loved ones you are in the process of leaving behind!

DO NOT NOT join the rugby club. I realize that’s a double negative and an awkward sentence, but you’re in law school now so get used to it. The aforementioned verbosity fails to equate in relation to the confusing and convoluted verbiage that you will be confronted with.

The rugby teams afford the best social opportunities of any activity or group in law school. We even play rugby sometimes!
DO NOT stay too late at Avenue Pizza on a Thursday night. There is a simple three step test that will, if properly followed, ensure you actually make those Friday morning classes.

1) Get there early. Some people like to go to Hudson’s first and partake of the cheap drinks. By the time they roll in to Avenue at 11 pm, the requisite 5 hour stay pushes you deep into the morning.

Two) Do not overconsume. This part has two sub-parts.

a) Don’t drink with boys from Beaver Lodge. They’re from Beaver Lodge.

ii) Don’t drink the draft. Reports are unconfirmed, but we suspect that there is some sort of narcotic added.

III) Ignore parts 1) and Two). You’re in first year, and should see the sun rising once or twice hunched over a beer, not a textbook.
DO NOT forget that you’re actually here for school. Go to a class, pass a test.

DO NOT antagonize upper-year students. Not only are they a valuable source of notes for when you have ignored the advice immediately above, but they’re bigger and meaner than you. And will steal your lunch money.

DO NOT forget your lunch money.

Finally, some advice for if you are ever asked to write an article for Canons of Construction. DO NOT try and be as funny as John Gilbert. You have no idea who John Gilbert is, but just don’t. DO NOT give the editors embarrassing pictures to run with your article. The article will become your first Google Search result, easily allowing prospective firms to see you at your worst. DO NOT mention how a certain professor makes a habit of inhabiting your dreams. You might not have guessed it, but some profs actually read this and will bring it up in class, leaving you quite red-faced at the very best. Last of all, DO NOT agree to write a Canons article while you are on a five-day hike in the Canadian wilderness.

SWEET SPANISH VICTORY

JILL GAMEZ (3L)

It was a golden summer for Spanish athletes and their enthusiastic supporters around the world. From London to Durban, Johannesburg to Paris, Spain dominated sport at the highest levels of competition. The world’s current top ranked male tennis player, Rafael Nadal, won Wimbledon for the second time in three years. This triumph marks the second time he has won both Wimbledon and the French Open in the same year, a feat Roger Federer, who currently holds the men’s record for most Grand Slam titles, has yet to accomplish.

In cycling, Alberto Contador ended Lance “Brett Favre” Armstrong’s hope for an eighth Tour de France win. Contador is the first Spaniard to win all three Grand Tours of road cycling. He’s also one of the select few who can pull off a head-to-toe yellow lycra ensemble. (See also Brett Grierson in Law Show 2010.)

However, no sports story captured the world’s attention, and the hearts of screaming fan girls, like the Spanish national football team’s victory in South Africa. The Spanish side, affectionately known as “La Furia Roja”, was regarded as frontrunners after their virtually unchanged squad won the Euro Cup in 2008. Their surprising opening loss to Switzerland, however, caused concern over whether these “pretty boys” (with the exception of Carles Puyol) could defeat teams such as the young, aggressive German squad to win the World Cup. Spain, whose team is made up primarily of Barcelona and Real Madrid players, put aside their La Liga rivalry and played as a cohesive unit, maintaining dominant possession of the ball. This strategy proved a winning (if sometimes boring) one, as they progressed to the finals and emerged victorious against the Netherlands.

After Andres Iniestas’ decisive goal, the red and gold crowds watching in Madrid and Barcelona erupted into celebrations, waving thousands of Spanish flags. This display of Spanish nationalism was rare in Barcelona, located in Catalonia, the richest and most industrialized part of Spain. Many Catalonians wish to separate after suffering under Franco’s dictatorship from the 1930s to mid 1970s, when the unique Catalan culture and language, as well as the Basques, were repressed. The current monarch, King Juan Carlos, has attempted to remedy this mistreatment by decentralizing power and providing regions such as the Basque Provinces, Valencia and Catalonia extensive autonomy.

Is it possible that a World Cup win can unify a country with such internal division? Most of the national team (with the possible exception of Puyol) is too young to have experienced Franco’s tyranny. In fact, the team itself represents Spain’s many different regions and cultures. For example, the players Fabregas and Pique are Catalonian, Ramos is Andalusian, and Alonso is Basque. The team is notable not only for its extraordinary talent, but also for its closeness. Most are friends and former and current club teammates. They will re-unite this month at the Euro 2012 qualifiers, as national coach Vicente Del Bosque has recalled essentially the entire team for that tournament.

Maybe “La Furia Roja” can’t permanently heal the old wounds of a culturally diverse nation, but they do give Spain something new to cheer for.

TIPS FOR TAKING ON THE WEST COAST TRAIL

DAN SHOULDICE (3L)

Over six days at the end of August four intrepid U of A law students and one SNAIL trekked Vancouver Island’s rugged West Coast Trail. After 75 kilometres of falling over tree roots, struggling through the mud, clambering down ladders, spotting grey whales and spooking a rather large black bear, this is their advice for those who wish to follow in their footsteps.DO join the 5000 people who hike the West Coast Trail every year between May and September.

DO NOT leave without award-winning backcountry gourmet chefs Matt Mazurek and Erin Crocker. Do not hike behind Adam “Mr. Bean” Kaukas for an extended period of time. Do not forget to take someone who works in health care to pacify your overprotective mother.Do not carry more than one-third your body weight in your backpack…unless you are carrying a six-pack of beers for your trail mates. Do not forget your mouth guard for the two-hour drive to the trailhead on a gravel logging road. Do not fret if you lose the trail within the first kilometre.

Do not slip and fall off a log crossing a stream. Do not fall on your boyfriend rushing to save him after he slipped and fell off a log crossing a stream.Do not pitch a tent at night below the high tide line. Do not “pitch a tent” in the morning while spooning your tent mate.

Do not hang your food directly above your tent; bears will find you silly and delicious.

Do not become so lost in your love of the sea lions at Owen Point that you slip and fall on the algae covered rocks.

Do not be surprised that three guys hiking in the bush for a week will spend hours discussing the health of their bowel movements. Do not be surprised when Matt Mazurek’s delicious lentil curry affects the health of your bowel movements.

Do not step on a hot coal in the sand beside your evening fire, your feet are going to take enough of a beating. Do not forget to budget an hour of time in the morning to wrap your feet in moleskin and duck tape to prevent blisters…better yet, just wear liner socks, they don’t rip all your Hobbit foot hair out when you take them off.

Do not be even three minutes late for the West Coast Trail Shuttle, the chain-smoking bus driver has a schedule to keep dammit…even if you are the only people on the shuttle. Do not try to pour rye into your Diet Coke while driving down bumpy logging roads. You will end up with rye-soaked shorts for the rest of the hike.

Do not take your eyes off the decaying, Indiana Jones-esque boardwalks. Do not disrespect the sea, it’s angry like an old man trying to return soup in a deli.

Do not miss out on the opportunity to make several unforgettable memories hiking the beautiful and challenging West Coast Trail.

Above all else, DO NOT poop where there is bear poop…that’s when you’re most vulnerable.

BECOME PART OF THE TRADITION: JOIN PANDA BEARRISTERS RUGBY

GILLIAN MCWILLIAMS (2L)

One of the great things about coming to law school, apart from the academics of course, is the multitude of student clubs, groups and sports to get involved with. That being said, one of the best groups that you can join is the Women’s Law Rugby team, the Panda Bearristers (don’t worry guys, there is a Men’s Law Rugby team out there too).

Rugby is a full contact team sport, a form of football which originated in England in the early 19th century. Excited yet? Don’t worry if this doesn’t sound like your ‘thing’; there is much more to be gained from becoming a Panda Bearrister than learning how to take a tackle without breaking any bones. Rugby is a fantastic way to meet new people. For those of you coming into first year, it gives you a chance to become involved in school life and to get to know some upper years, and trust me, the value of such friendships will become abundantly clear once exam time approaches and you have discovered how amazing a great CAN really is. It also allows you to solidify friendships in your own year to and to meet people outside of your cohorts/class schedule.

Rugby is also a great excuse to get out of the library and to get some exercise. The team encompasses a wide range of skill sets and athletic ability, so if you’re like me and had never played rugby before coming to law school, there’s really nothing to worry about. Apart from twice-weekly practices, there are also two tournaments that take place during the season. This first one, set for early October, is an inter-collegial tournament and the second in the traditional alumni game. The alumni game, as you may have already guessed from its title, pits the current Panda Bearristers against the returning graduates. I am pleased to say that last year we had a solid win against our predecessors, even after loaning some of our better players to their team to try and help them out. And as a perk for this year: thanks to increased sponsorship the Panda Bearristers now have their own jerseys.

Of course no discussion of rugby would be complete without some mention of the post-game exploits for which the sport is famous. Both the men’s and women’s teams manage to weave in some fun throughout the year. Although not all the secrets of this year’s events can be given away just yet, last year brought us a post-tournament barbeque and pub-crawl after our game against U of C, a First Friday Back graffiti party and a year-end potluck/drinkluck. This year, as an added bonus, a girls’ getaway weekend is also being thrown into the mix.

If after reading this you are somehow still on the fence about joining this awesome team, please feel free to email me at mgillian@ualberta.ca or Brittney Crow (our captain) at bcrow@ualberta.ca or stop by our booth at Club Fair in early September.

HOW TO AVOID DISSOLVING INTO A BALL OF GOO THIS YEAR

CHANTEL CABAJ (2L)

As your LSA VP Sports, it’s my goal this year to help you avoid turning into a ball of goo or atrophying in the library from excessive studying. Lucky for both of us, there a number of ways this can be avoided. The first one to consider is the Campus Rec Intramurals program. As an LSA member you can participate in various sports including soccer, basketball, volleyball and hockey. We try and accommodate everyone from beginners to those who believe they should be starting along Lebron, Wade and Bosh. Sign up sheets are located outside of the Gavel on the bulletin board, along with a schedule of when you can register for the various sports.

If flying balls aren’t so much your thing, a number of fitness classes (think spin, cardio, etc.) are offered through Campus Rec as well. Some require you to sign up for the term, others can be done on a drop-in basis. More information is available at /www.activityreg.ualberta.ca. All of these classes, along with most intramurals, occur in the Butterdome, the big yellow building on the West side of campus, or the attached Van Vliet Centre.

This is conveniently also where the U of A gym is located.
In addition to any sports or classes offered through Campus Rec, there is a number of other Faculty of Law Student Groups that can help you get active. Some of these include the Panda Bearristers and Golden Bearristers Rugby Clubs and the Running Club. For those interested in runs/triathalons etc. I’ll try and keep the sports bulletin board updated with things coming to town.

Last thing, the LSA hosts two major sporting events that you need keep in mind. The first is the El-Hacko Golf Tournament, occurring this month (details below), and the second is a Curling Tournament that will occur in March. No skill is required; less is encouraged for entertainment purposes.

If you have any questions, feel free to stop me for a chat or send me an email. In the meantime, as Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod said it best, “keep fit and have fun”.

Upcoming Events and Need to Know Dates:

El-Hacko Golf Tournament
Date: September 17, 2010 (from 12-6 pm).
Tickets on Sale: September 13-15, from 1-2 P.M. at Couches
Cost: $40/ person (an extra $10 if you require clubs)
What’s Required: 4 people per team. You must register as a team with full payment.
What’s Not Required: Any sort of skill!

Intramurals

A full description of the intramural program is available in your orientation package, but be aware that the following sports have very fast approaching registration deadlines (ie. first week of school):

Mens/Women’s Soccer: September 8 @ 12 PM
Women’s Volleyball: September 8 @ 5 PM
Mixed Dodgeball: September 8 @ 5 PM
Men’s Triples Volleyball: September 9 @ 5 PM
Women’s Hockey: September 14 @ 5 PM

A FIRST YEAR’S GUIDE TO THE FIRST MONTH

MARCUS OSTROWERKA (2L)

By now, all you 1Ls have undoubtedly heard about U of A Law’s “collegial” atmosphere. I’m still not exactly sure what this means, but I do know that for those 1Ls who want to get involved, meet fellow law students, and generally have a good time at law school, there are a variety of options. Below are the top ten of the first month, according to me:

1) First Friday Back – I realize First Friday Back has already occurred, but it’s such a great start to the year that I had to give it honourable mention. If you missed it, don’t worry, there’s still lots to come in September!

2) (Fellas) Join Golden Bearristers Rugby – My only regret from first year is not joining rugby. Despite being full contact, zero previous experience is required. “Athletes” of all sizes add value on the rugby pitch so don’t be discouraged. The team consists of players from the likes of “Big” Jim Taylor (2L) (6’3″ 285 lbs. of solid muscle) to Ky “The Little Wildman” Kvisle (2L) (5’6″ 150 lbs. soaking wet). The rugby crew is tight-knit, their social activities are legendary, and the team is a great place for 1Ls to meet upper years. Don’t make the same mistake I did; if you haven’t already, sign up now!

3) (Ladies) Join Panda Bearristers Rugby – For all the same reasons, plus you get a pink Osler jersey.

4) Sign Up for El – Hacko – Playing a boozy round of golf with your new law school friends is a much better way to spend a Friday afternoon than sitting in LRW.

5) Avenue Pizza – Law students basically keep Avenue profitable by overrunning it every Thursday for karaoke night. Whether you find yourself crushing “Super Cups” with Jeff Weidman (3L), or belting out “I Want it That Way” with Jorge Pineda (2L), your Thursdays at Avenue will be ones you wish you could remember. If you didn’t go to Avenue during the first week, make sure you go this week and I’ll see you there, as, coincidently, it’s my birthday. GONG!!!!!!!

6) Join an Intramural Team – A great way to meet students in any year. We have tons of teams, including hockey, volleyball, basketball, and dodge ball.

7) Get a Team Together for Law’s a Beach – …Which is actually a softball tournament. This is both a ridiculously fun day and a fundraiser for the grad committee. Come out and support your fellow students; it might be your only chance to see Trevor Goulet (3L) and Paul Govenlock (3L) in disturbingly tight super- hero shirts.

Law Show – This annual variety production is one of the best things you can participate in. Singers, dancers, actors, musicians, and talentless people (like me) are all encouraged to join.

9) Join Vin Ordinaire – Now that you’re in law school, embrace your inner elitist and start developing your palette for cheap!

10) Go on a Date With Trent Falldien (2L) – Because I’ve reached my word quota, and somebody has to!

My Graceful Departure from Law School

King Kong (2L)

Dear 1Ls, by now you’ve come to realize that your future is looking like a whole lot of 14-hour work days. I was fed up with that bleak future. This is the story of how I failed myself out of law school last year, to end up in this wonderful life of 8-hour days, no stress, and lots of free time.

Right from the start I was the only one who was an hour late for orientation, because I decided that the LSA’s pre-orientation would be so much wilder. I was right. Even later on in the year, I was repeatedly late for morning classes, so that I wouldn’t know what was going on.

I did ask upper-years for a lot of advice, but it was always when they were drunk. I followed it all.

I was behind on readings so I planned to study on the bus to Vancouver with the rugby team. I didn’t. And still my commitment to failure was outshone that weekend by a fellow team mate who decided to sleep outside on a park bench in downtown Vancouver. Aiming for the drunk tank just wasn’t my classy way out though.

I surrounded myself with the type of hooligans who returned to study at school… after visiting the bar… and subsequently passing out at a desk till the next morning.

It wasn’t just about the parties though, I signed up for almost every club, because I was excited a lot more about being in law school than being a lawyer. I definitely spent much more time on my SLS files than LRW assignments, and still didn’t get hired as a summer caseworker.

Early on I developed a caffeine addiction from Steve’s, guaranteeing that I would be immune and dependent by the time exams rolled around.

I even ignored the horror stories about the property final, leaving studying till a month before finals, because I came from the faculty of business and figured I already knew enough about property. Still, despite my goal, I often studied till I literally lost the ability to read. I don’t even know how I drove home afterwards. And even after going to almost every guest speaker, seminar, and job fair, I had no clue what kind of law I wanted to focus on in the future anyways.

Finally, instead of gearing up for finals, I spent all of March depleting my student line of credit, by shopping online to replace all the components in my home theatre. But if you remember any of this article, remember the next sentence, it’s my most important advice I have to give. Save some money for after exams, so that you can enjoy a law themed strip show, and a nice exotic vacation to unwind.

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