Ballin’ Out of Control – Division 2 Law Basketball Team

By Chris Jones (3L)
 
How do you describe Ballin’ out of Control, the Division 2 Law basketball team? We’re 3-1 in league play, guaranteed a spot in the playoffs, and living the high life. We play a fast, fun style of basketball that emphasizes “volume” over “quality.” We’re just like the movie Hoosiers, but without an awkward love story, Gene Hackman, Indiana, or made free throws.

Although the team is more than the sum of its parts, those parts are important and deserve credit for what we’ve accomplished. Here’s a brief bio of each of the 9 guys who have shown up to more than 1 game this year.

“Wild” Bill Jessop. Bill laughs when “basketball” players show up in jerseys and sneakers. He believes real ballers play in cargo shorts, skate shoes, and Rolling Stones World Tour muscle shirts from 1994.

D.J. Lynde, “The Big Red Machine.” It’s a beautiful thing to watch D.J. play basketball. He picks a spot, he stands there, and he laughs at anyone who tries to move him. It’s also fun to see the look of terror in the eyes of the opposing Point Gaurd when D.J. comes to set a screen.

Andrew “Rico Suave” Wong. Team pretty-boy and the source of the most man-crushes on the squad. I won’t name names, but if Andrew wanted to hang out after the game sometime and like, talk about stuff, that would be super-cool.

Dave “Mad Skillz” Cummings. While the other team is laughing at Bill, admiring Andrew, and hiding from D.J., Dave is taking 18 foot jump shots. He also plays like a hockey player, and believes the two hand shove should be legal defence.

“Crazy Legs” Derrick Hwang. Derrick is so fast his feet can’t keep up with the rest of his body. He leads the team in drawing fouls, usually by tripping himself while the guy defending him looks confused.

Aaron “Cuddles” Hymes. His floater in the lane is gorgeous. It would be sweet if it came within 6 feet of the basket, but is still easily the coolest looking airball in all of sports.

Jay White, “Vanilla Thunder.” Jay-Dub is our emotional leader, and unlike some people on this team [Dave] doesn’t play for money or fame, but just love of the game. I really hope this nickname follows him to the end of law school.

Chris “El Jones” Jones. He’s like a slower, less athletic Bryant Reeves. Jones leads the team in crucial stats like the number of times blocked by the other team and fastest turnover by dribbling it off your own foot.

“Hollywood” Mike Beard. You know the movies Radio and Rudy? That’s Hollywood. He’s the kid on our team that isn’t very good but has tons of heart and everyone loves how hard he tries when we let him play. Yay, Mike!